Show
Dont Tell
T he most important rule you will ever learn as a writer is Show dont tell (Yes, we know there's no apostrophe in don't. Search engines don't like them).
We’ve all heard this rule. In fact, if you’ve ever been a part of a critique group or attended a writers' conference, then you've had show don't tell drilled into you.
Whether you are writing for a Christian publisher or not, this rule is key! But what does it mean?
It means show the reader what is going on between the characters don't just tell them. Let them experience the tang of that lemon pie don't just tell them the lemon pie is sour.
Mark Twain said it like this:"Don't tell me the lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream!"
Now repeat after me: "Show don't tell."
Good!
Read the following example.
Before—Telling:
Julie was frustrated after burning the meal and hearing everyone demanding favors all day. If one more person asked her to do something for them, she was going to cry. Jack came through the door and plopped down on the sofa. “Where’s dinner?” he inquired impatiently. “I’ll get it when I get it!” she said angrily. “What’s that suppose to mean?” he asked now getting angry too.
After—Showing
Great, who now? “Wow, something stinks. Where’s dinner?” Jack moved past her into the living room. She wanted nothing more than to yank every brown hair out of his head! He plopped on the sofa and stretched his dirty stocking feet out on the coffee table. His brow arched as if waiting. She’d give him an answer alright. Julie slammed down the wooden spoon, causing its head to fly off into the corner of the room. "Right...here!" she tossed the oven mitt into his face. Jack jumped to his feet. “What’s that suppose to mean?” he slammed the mitt onto the table. She clamped her lips. The fire sparked in his eyes as he took a step forward. "Answer me!"
In the Before example, we simply talked at the reader, telling them everything that was going on in the scene. In the After example, we employed the writing rule and invited the reader to experience the action; to immerse themselves and become a part of the scene. Notice, I didn’t have to tell you Julie was frustrated, you could tell by her actions and her feelings.
This is what show dont tell is all about.
Here's another thing to consider:
If you have followed or preceded your dialog anywhere with an 'ly word than you're telling. For instance:
Before: Cautiously Susan entered the room, feeling uneasy with what she might find.
After: Susan eased into the room. The hairs on her neck pricked. Something's not right.
Before: "I don't want to!" said Jimmy angrily.
After: "I don't want to!" Jimmy slammed his truck on the floor.
If you used such phrases such as; ...he felt, ...he saw etc. you're probably telling again.
If you've named the emotion you are definitely telling.
NOTE: Try this trick. If you have a word program, try using the FIND tool and type in ly. See how many adverbs you can find.
Also try typing in the word felt. You'll be surprised at how you'll find.
Lastly, check your attributes and see if you end your dialogue in anything other than ...he said, ...she said. If you ended with ...he groaned, spat, asked, shouted, giggled etc. You ARE intruding into the readers world.
He said/she said is the only form that is invisible to readers. They don't even notice them. So keep it simple, stay out of the readers way.
Now you take this writing rule and try it. Take a scene you have written and see if you can add more depth to it by showing the action as it unfolds. Make me smell the scents in the room, see the emotions on faces, hear the sounds around them, experience the feelings of the character. Go on…show dont tell me!
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