Tone Deaf Descriptions

by Linda Yezak
(Nacogdoches, Texas)

The noise seems to echo in the silent room, competing with the hammering of her heart. What was it? Her eyes dart toward the door. Metal scrapes metal as a key is pulled from the lock. The knob turns, slowly, slowly. He's here! He has found her! She gathers her skirts and dashes across the room to the stairs with the satiny smooth mahogany banister and elegant spindles spaced precisely six inches apart. As she races up the stairs, she's thankful for the red and black Oriental runners resting on each step.

Uh. . . No. The tone of this piece doesn't allow for a detailed description of the staircase. I recently read a scene in which the author must've been tone deaf. High tension was interrupted with a minute description of the room in which it occurred. Ripped me right out of the scene.

There is a time to paint your setting with a fine-bristled brush, but the heart of the action isn't it. Had our frightened heroine been in this room before, we would've seen the description then, in calmer times.

But if her moment of panic is the only time we get to see the room, instead of describing the scene, use the setting as props:

She gathers her skirts and dashes across the carpeted parlor to the stairs sweeping up from the foyer. Oriental runners along each mahogany step muffle her footsteps as she races to the landing above . . .

When painting your scene, the brush you use depends on the tone. Choose wisely.