Unequally Yoked?
But I Love Him!

Jake was the first adult male that I had ever dated. He being the ripe old age of 19 and me 17 we were practically the same age.

He was kind and handsome and unsaved and fascinating...oh, did I say unsaved?

Some of you are probably wondering what that means. It's a Biblical term that means someone who is NOT saved from the wrath of God. Sounds harsh doesn't it?

The funny thing is, I understood the scripture that said:

"Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers." 2 Corinthians 6:14 "for what fellowship hath righteousness and iniquity? or what communion hath light with darkness?"

Some of you are wondering what a yoke is and how you can be unequal in it. A yoke is a wooden harness that attach two animals together so they can pull a load as one. If you yoke an oxen and a donkey,for instance, you have unequally yoked animals This makes it almost impossible for the two animals to walk or to do the work together as one. Now put people in place of the animals and you get the idea.

I understood the scripture, but I didn't know how it applied to me. My boyfriend was saved--we weren't unequally yoked.

"Ah yeah, I was raised Buddhist," said Jake on that fateful day. The day I grew up.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I was driving so it was hard to listen at the same time.

"My mother's Buddhist and my father's family went to a Christian Church. I went when I was a kid but I haven't gone for years."

I turned the corner to head towards the university. "So, you grew up a Buddhist?"

Well that qualified for unequally yoked.

"Essentially. My mom stopped going to the Hong Wa Ji Temple when I was a kid. The priest kept telling her she was going to hell for not attending enough. She got tired of hearing it and told them to stop coming around...they stopped."

I barely heard the rest. All I knew was this kind man was not a Christian. I wasn't much of one...granted, but walking away from my faith was not an option.

I told Jake goodbye that day and I meant forever. I had invested several months into a relationship that I could not keep. I went home that day and poured my heart out to my dad. He listened and encouraged me to pray about it before I did anything drastic.

So I prayed and prayed...and prayed some more. I'm not sure what I expected to hear but I kept praying.

The next weekend Jake showed up on his motorcycle, the only transportation he could afford at the time. He wanted to see my dad. I didn't realize then that Jake was hungry for the things of the Lord, the things he saw in my dad. I just knew we could not continue the way we were. Yet I couldn't figure out how to stop seeing him either. Having Jake coming over all time like that, made it hard to stop seeing him. We kept on dating for another couple of years like this. All the while, I did not know what to do with this unusual relationship.

Then one day, Jake asked me to marry him. It wasn't until then that I realized...it's time to get serious...do I love God or Jake more? There was no way I was going to be unequally yoked with a non-believer, no matter how much I loved him...and I did love him...a lot!

Jake had joined the Navy before he had entered the University so during the summers, he would have to go out on special tours. After his proposal, Jake was getting ready to leave on his three month summer tour. So I turned those three months into a fasting, praying summer. I had already made up my mind that I wanted God more than anyone or anything. I wrote to Jake through the summer and continued to wait on the Lord for his guidance. I told my father one day. "I don't know what else to do daddy, but break up with him, he's not a Christian. I can't marry him."

My father's response was not what I was expecting. "Dolly, I've been praying a lot for you and Jake. I think you need to wait on the Lord about this."

And so I waited...again.

The summer soon ended and Jake returned to the University to begin his fall classes. My pastor heard that Jake had asked me to marry him and wondered if he could speak to me about it.

"I can't marry you two if he is not a Christian, you would be unequally yoked," he said.

Unequally yoked, unequally yoked, unequally yoked! I know! "I know."

"Has anyone ever talked to him about the Lord?"

"Yes, once," I said.

"What did he say?"

"I don't think I did it right," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"I just told him I would not give God up for him."

The pastor smiled, "What did he say to that?"

"He got mad at me and said, 'Have I ever asked you to do that?' and then I just dropped the subject. I didn't know what else to say. I felt like I wasn't being a very good witness as it was."

"Have him come to my house this weekend and let me talk to him." said my pastor.

Jake showed up promptly at 7pm. I had been fasting and praying all week, knowing this was it. If the man I loved did not give his life to the Lord, I was walking.

What happened that night was, for me, a miracle.

My pastor was shocked that no one had taken the time to talk to Jake before about Jesus. "The poor boy didn't understand he had to give his life over to the Lord, he thought he was already a Christian."

Maybe that explains why breaking up with him was like tossing a bad penny. Jake always kept coming back with a hunger for the things of God, which my father gave him.

I know, we were a really naive family.

I don't know why my father never led Jake to the Lord when they were together. I suspect my father thought it was not his place. To this day I still don't understand. But the Lord was merciful to Jake despite my family's spiritual shortcomings. He was merciful to us all.

When my father passed away two years later, Jake shed the first tears I had ever seen him cry. He had lost a father too.

Well here we are 21 years later with 5 kids and a love for God that has grown ever sweeter. Jake had proved to be a true man of faith and a real gift from God.

If I knew then the things that I understand now, I would never have dated Jake. Some of you might say..."then you would have never married him and look at what you would have missed."

I don't believe that. Jake and I most likely would still have gotten married. He would have taken a better path to Christianity and I would have walked right before God.

See...God has a plan.

Our first years of marriage were hard. I didn't tell you about them. The unfaithfulness, the selfishness. I've only told you the very beginning and the now.

I wish I had known God then, the way I do now. It would have saved me so much heartache. But that is a story for another day.

Today I am the mother of 4 boys and a little girl. Jake and I have trained our children to stay away from relationships where the other is not fully committed to Jesus.

May I also interject here that being saved is just the beginning. One must also be fully committed to the Lord for there to be an equal yoking of the relationship.

Now you might be thinking that you can date a non-Christian and pray and fast and it will all be well? Or you may think if you just stick with it, they'll get saved?

No and a thousand times NO!

May I suggest, you are playing with fire.

Be reminded that God knows the plans he has for you...but being unequally yoked is not one of them.

Set your heart toward God and submit your life. God's plans for you may not look anything like what you thought. Be assured, however, the life He has planned for you is a good one.

The word for the day is Trust.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and HE shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

I didn't tell you about the women in my life that married unequally yoked.

Beloved, I've never seen it turn out good...never.

"...For what fellowship has light and darkness?"